(Convincing myself to not to the very thing that would be the best thing for me to do is one of my most developed skills.)
But I'm finally back in the saddle, and it felt so good: within a few minutes of hopping on the bike, there was a smile on my face.
That smile was wiped off, of course, after a few more minutes of grinding, climbing, heavy work. But I found the joy in my ride, and when I walked out of that studio, my step was lighter and my head clear. I swept the cobwebs out of my brain and the sludge out of my veins and I feel focused and strong.
Here's the thing: I love this class. The music is good, I really like the teacher, and it's a great workout that pushes me and challenges me and leaves me feeling healthy and strong. I feel better when I go. I can handle life better when I'm working out regularly. Things get hard when I don't exercise. But it's so, so easy to talk myself out of going.
I was on Facebook the other day (ok, every day, but this is from the other day) and saw a quote someone had posted, the gist of which was: that resistance is a sign that something is important - we resist and we fear the big changes, the things that propel us down our paths rather than letting us sit still and stagnate. The greater the resistance, the more important the change.
Which makes sense. It's always the things that push us, that challenge us, that shake us - these are the things that end up shaping our lives, but they're always the scariest. Fear of the unknown and the new and all of that. But if we allow that fear, that inclination towards inertia, that resistance to overcome us, then nothing changes. We don't learn, we don't grow, we don't live.
This idea comes up mostly in relation to the big moments; the big, life-changing, gut-wrenching, soul-shaking, irrevocable decisions that are the markers and milestones in our lives. The big ones are the scariest ones.
But these big decisions arise rarely (and thank goodness for that).
Our lives are shaped and formed and lived in the minutia, the countless small decisions we make - or fail to make - every single day.
We can still find plenty of resistance in our souls against even the mundane, so we procrastinate or convince ourselves not to (do the dishes, return that phone call, go to the gym - insert your own adventure here).
But saying no to the little decisions only leaves us unprepared when it's time to say yes to the big ones. And it leaves our daily lives that much more empty and gray when it would take just a little more effort to be vibrant and full.
So I'm embracing my resistance. I'm going for it.